In retrospect, it might not have been the wisest idea to hand in my v-card to a hot librarian I picked up at my mother’s cocktail party.

In my defense, the man has a French accent, gray hair, and knows a lot about books. The cards were really stacked against me making good choices, folks.

I was probably naïve to expect a call after that, but when...

I am a walking, talking disaster.

Sometimes it feels like every step I take leads to a mistake that is painful or embarrassing, or painful and embarrassing, and it’s pretty remarkable that natural selection hasn’t taken me out yet.

The point is, I have a lot of experience in cleaning up my own messes. Even with all that practice, though,...

Fate is bullshit.

Good things happen when you make them happen, when you decide the shitty life you were born into won’t be the one you die with… That’s what I believed, anyway.

Until him. Asher Roth, the sweet, dorky, bowtie-wearing dentist.

The first time we met, he saved my life.

The second, I was paid to be his date.

The third, I stripped naked...